I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
