So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
