Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
