That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
