My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
