there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
