I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
