So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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