Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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