i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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