I just saw a hot homeless man
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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