I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
