It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
