you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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