I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Randomize
