3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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