Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
now i know why i became what i already was.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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