Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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