I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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