not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
