Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
