member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
