oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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