They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
