wat bout pragnant strippers??
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
