That's intense
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
