my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
