ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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