I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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