Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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