I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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