If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
