i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
