ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
