Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
