if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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