I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
