You're my little dorito
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize