drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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