I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
