I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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