Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
