THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
is it fun? or sober?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
