walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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