She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
