Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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