I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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