Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
