Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.