he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?