I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE