I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.