just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
