using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before