i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
