He kissed a someone with a penis
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
