My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
