mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
