I think my vagina is haunted
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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