Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
