This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
