Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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