shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
