you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
