so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
