yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
