this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
