Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
