Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
