put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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