I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
