Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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