Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
