Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
