i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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