life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
