I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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