I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
