He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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