some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
