My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
