It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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