I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
