You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
