she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
