Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
