She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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