Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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