Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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