I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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