all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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